I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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