I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
