Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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