Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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