I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
