Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
