it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
