that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She even gives head with a lisp.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
