i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
