I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
