I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
