Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
