It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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