i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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