I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
