Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
