I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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