I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
