I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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