the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
bring money and cleavage
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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