I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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