We're like a lot better than the average bears
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize