Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
