My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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