mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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