dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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