I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
bring money and cleavage
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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