the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
