So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
