Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm passing your future prison.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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