I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
