just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize