things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
