I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
