those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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