You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
