Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't deserve a penis
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
