The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
