dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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