im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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