Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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