Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
