i barfeds in our rink
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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