How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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