What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize