woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
