I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
