I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
