I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
