grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
