She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
