just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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