Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
