Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
