i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
