you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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