Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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