I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
