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• (925): View more from California

  My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...

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• (516): View more from New York

  i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line

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• (207): View more from Maine

  guess who has a date tonight

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.

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• (315): View more from New York

  What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Its 11 o'clock somewhere

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.

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