Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
