whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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