he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
