When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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