I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
