I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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