I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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